according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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