it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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