dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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