After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
