my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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