no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
