You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
