everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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