You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
