i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
