Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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