I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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