i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
