So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
