my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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