he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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