I CAN MOONWALK!
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
