I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Oh god it's open bar.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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