I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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