girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
