dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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