At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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