You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
