erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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