So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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