My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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