so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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