I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
