I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
