Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
