so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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