I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
