Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Randomize
