The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
