I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
