Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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