I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
