Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
