That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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