who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
