perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
