my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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