you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
