That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I don't deserve a penis
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
