i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The adults are the big ones right?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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