2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize