I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
