I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
