I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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