Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
