I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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