so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
