I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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