I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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