So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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