my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I hope mine doesn't look like that
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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