i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
