I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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