I hate all girls vehemently.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
