there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
