I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
