My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
