We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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