I want to walk on stilts...naked
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
