I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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