She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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