I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
