'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
