Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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